Thursday, August 18, 2005

Things I've Learned at Hayden Lake, Part Cinco

1. Someone will always have a comment about how you constantly hold your child and never put him down. This will normally come from the relative with the least socially adept children. Further, this relative may also introduce her teenage grandchild that will be unable to maintain contact for more than a trillisecond. Your child, however, while been SPOILED ROTTEN, will go to anyone and will talk to the mailman for 10 minutes if you let him.

2. You can regain your sanity if you find the one aunt or one cousin that will take your child for an hour. An hour that will seem like a million years. An hour that will make you feel like time has stopped and that you can actually make it until next Monday without throwing someone off the Point. An hour that will make you feel almost as good as that time you spent the big bucks to get the deep muscle massage AND the facial AND the manicure AND the pedicure at the Regent Beverly Wilshire.

3. If you build it, they will come. Protesting, but they will come. My father-in-law completed the rail that borders the side of the deck. It may block the 270 degree view of the lake by about 1 degree. This will start World War III in the family, but I maintain it will allow the drunks free access from the deck to the illegal patio my father-in-law put in last year. He does these things to make the place more attractive and to drive Uncle insane. Such improvements must be voted upon and discussed for 4 years before commencing. My father-in-law has determined that his 7 second discussion with himself is enough conversation. I hope I have the camcorder when Uncle shows up and sees the latest handywork.

4. Dr. Sears doesn't know squat about teething. The ridge in his gums will disappear before he gets a new tooth, my ass. He will get the bottom two first and then the top two, my ass. The first tooth will be the hardest on you and him but it will get progressively easier (until the molars), my ass. Because the two teeth my child got 3 weeks ago aren't enough, he is now getting a third tooth on the bottom. I have received suggestions for cutting the tooth out, drugging him senseless, waiting it out, and "could you please keep that baby quiet."

My sign says, "will work for valium."


PBS said...

Yep, don't you just love family?!

inandoutspoken's MOMMY BRAIN LEFTOVERS! said...

The Ped my Mom took me to as a child gave her some sage advice (which explains a lot about me now LOL!!). His theory was that to help the pain of teething you pour a shot glass of whiskey. You then dip your finger in, rub it on the childs' gums to numb them... and then the remainder of the shot is to reduce the mother's pain. LOL!!

Marel Lecone said...

Oooo, try the whiskey! And, then blog about what the inlaws say. Yeah, yeah, do that. :)

Miss you, Girlie. Talk to you later. And, how about just me from 9/3 - 9/5? What do you think?

momma of 2 said...

love family....

I like the whiskey idea, be sure those 'experts' see you do it too!

Love the deck story..sounds like something that my uncle would do.

amy said...

I was actually going to mention the whiskey thing too ... so if several of us recommend it it must work, right??

These stories are so damn funny ... I'm so glad you're taking time out of your vacation to steal away from the in-laws to share them with us! :)

jootastic said...

Awesome post.

Jaime said...

I love kids who are social butterflies! :)
Yay for escaping for an hour!
Can you please put the video footage of that moment on your blog? Better yet... you should be recording this entire trip... he he.
Whiskey, blachhh. Although... if you put him on the sauce now he would probably hate JD as a teen. ;) My first taste of alcohol was at about 10 years old and it was tequila... I haven't had any sense. He he