Thursday, August 04, 2005

I just can't do it, Amy. It's too embarrassing.

I got tagged by Amy to do a music meme.

Unfortunately my top song I am listening to is Lisa Loeb's "Little Red Caboose." The list gets worse from there (My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean, ect.)

Tag me again in 5 years when I am allowed to listen to my own music on the radio again.

Connor's rules

Now I don't know Connor, but he was in the next aisle over today at the blackberry field and his mother issued the following directives:

1. Don't get the blackberry juice on your shirt or the bees will come (I'm not sure if she was really worried about bees or if she didn't want to OxyClean the white shirt).

2. Don't reach up to pick the blackberries. All the good ones are down low, like you are.

3. Don't pick the red ones. I know you think they look like raspberries, but they aren't.

4. Don't eat more than two blackberries, or you will get sick.

5. Don't just stand there in front of that bush. Look at all the blackberries down the row.


7. Don't squeeze the blackberries or they will get crushed. Be gentle.

8. Don't throw the blackberries into the basket or they will get crushed. Be gentle.


Am I the only person to realize that these were far too many rules for little Connor to follow? I think it worked out for him because it appears that he didn't follow even one of the rules.

When I turned around, Boo Boo Kitty had managed to find the ONLY BRANCH within 5 feet and had it in his mouth. I was pulling leaves out of his mouth for about 30 minutes.

We are now up to a carrot in the supermarket, pizza crust, beer, rice cereal and blackberry branch for food. This kid is screwed.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Be careful what you ask for

Jaime asked me to give her baby-2-b a nickname. Full well knowing that the first name we gave E (Dunk) came from the Urban Baby Name Book and a scary game of Baby Name Roulette. I may have neglected to mention in the earlier post that when we did it for a girl's name, we came up with JaLit. Jaime probably wouldn't have asked if she had known this.

She indicated that she is having a girl, so I went scrounging for the book. With a laser pointer to guide me in the baby's bedroom. It is only a matter of time before Jaime realizes that one would rather try to read 45 book titles with a laser pointer than awaken a baby that has been moaning for the past 12 hours and has finally gotten to sleep by some method only known to his father.

So what was the name as we closed our eyes and flipped through the pages? Constantina--which means Loyal. I think we should call Jaime's precious girl "CC" until she can come up with a name for her. I wanted to flip again, but D said that was against the spirit of Baby Name Roulette. Sorry Jaime.

Christina also asked for a nickname, but D and I have yet to create a name/symbol for her in the spirit of Prince. She will be known as (still unknown), formerly known as Christina. LOL

Let's say it together, folks..."Wicked bad karma"

After the baby cried off and on for 4 hours today (beating the total sum of crying he has done in his 5 1/2 month life), I then went to the dentist.

D and I went together and Dina, the Dentist, went on and on about how beautiful my teeth are and how I take such good care of them. I felt slightly puffed up and frankly couldn't wait to rub it into my husband in the little room next door. He drinks coffee, drinks soda, blah, blah, blah.

Dina said, "We'll just take x-rays since you haven't had any in over a year. Just a formality." Translation--anything to jack up the price of this visit since the insurance company is only paying around 25 cents.

She came back shocked.

"You have two cavities. In between your teeth."


K: "Would it have helped if I drank tap water because you know I am a bit of a water snob and I cringe just using it to brush my teeth?"
Dina, the Dentist: "Nope."
K: "Is this my punishment for not flossing?"
Dina, the Dentist: "Yep."

And then I had to go out and face "Mr.-I-Floss-Twice-A-Day-Because-Flossing-Is-So-Important."

Sometimes life is SO. NOT. FAIR.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Is it time for the vacation yet?

Because I went to the movies to see Must Love Dogs, AND went to Costco AND went to IKEA all in one day, I will forgive that mean man in the parking lot who jumped in front of my car because he thought I was going too fast through his truck dealership parking lot. You must believe in God, mean man, because you had lots of faith to believe that I wouldn't spraul your middle-aged skanky used car salesman ass all over the hood of my sedan. I just didn't want to get blood on the car and I didn't want to get arrested. It was in a warehouse district, for heaven's sake. I was only doing 15 mph and you were the only person in the lot. A little baby part of my wicked heart wishes that I had not been rational during my verbal exchange with you and I had just made your wife a widow. Somehow I think she would have been thankful for the favor.

Did I mention that I got to park in the Family Parking spot in front of IKEA?

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Birth control and highway robbery

What do these two things have in common? (I'm starting to sound like Freakonomics. LOL)

I understand that birth control is a VERY personal matter, but this is my avenue for venting, so you might want to skip this post if you find the discussion of family (or anti-family) planning distasteful.

I lost my birth control pills. They are somewhere in this house but I can't find them. If my mother had been here since they were missing, I would have thought something fishy was going on, but she hasn't been here in months. Come to think of it, my husband is probably suspect as well. But let me explain something. I will be living in a different state than my husband rather than getting knocked up at this point of my life.

The other night I sent him looking for the pills. The man who cannot find his ass with both hands. The man would could not pour beer out of a boot if the directions were on the heel. After ten minutes I heard furniture moving in the baby's room, a loud crash, and then a wailing infant. Did he honestly believe that I had put the pills behind the dresser??? WTF?

Anyway, so here I am 2 days later, sweating it out and wondering if they will ever show up. I broke down and ordered more at CVS knowing that this would be coming directly out of my pocket, without benefit of Blue Cross/Blue Shield picking up the tab. I spoke to the pharmacist and requested that he give me generics. Normally I am too good for generics, but when I'm paying, I AIN'T paying, if you know what I mean.

I showed up and found out that my doctor had not "authorized" generics so I had to pay $59.59 for one month of pills (unless we got her on the phone at 11:27 pm). That's right, folks. $59.59 for the MINI PILL. It's not even a whole pill, but a fraction of a pill! They don't even really work, for God's sake. If you don't take them every day at the EXACT SAME TIME, you will probably get pregnant if you are in the same room with sperm.

I came home and told D all of this. He was mortified by the cost and then by the "generic excuse" given by the pharmacist. He is threatening anti-trust lawsuits and to sue CVS. I would rather he just spend that time cleaning the living room.