Sunday, August 14, 2005

Lessons I've Learned at Hayden Lake, Part 1

1. If you are the second person to go into the lav after takeoff because your infant has, once again, managed to fill his diaper at the most inopportune time, allowing the baby to unravel the toilet paper roll onto the floor while you are changing him is one of the most effective ways to distract him while working to keep poop off of you in a 9” x 9” space they call a bathroom. Environmentally unsound, but who the hell cares if you manage to get out unscathed.
2. When you enter the kitchen at 5:25 a.m. and find your world-renowned trauma surgeon father-in-law standing in front the coffee grinder wearing a sarong, saying “Nice dress” will get you the response you were expecting. You will also have to make your own breakfast.
3. The second cousin, twice removed cousin who was mean to your husband when he was nine will inevitably marry someone who will be greatly annoyed to find you using her child’s shovel at the beach. We are so glad they found each other.
4. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Or at least remember to turn off the damn cheap ass $34.99 monitor transmitter that your child could scream into it with a wail that would suggest someone is ripping his limbs out of his body and you couldn’t hear if your life depended on it. Said monitor will suddenly become better than a military radio on the combat field and will transmit your bad comments like a loudspeaker into the crowded living room.

9 comments:

momma of 2 said...

yeah...sounds like you are at my in-laws.... Have a good one - we're all pullin' for you!

PBS said...

Scary! Especially #4, could be bad!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

hee hee....I am laughing with you..not at you...;)

Humor Girl said...

lol! That's hysterical!

Robin said...

I've experienced #4. Not good, never good.

Jaime said...

Good to know #1... I'm always happy to have baby tips! :)
You totally should've beat evil-cousin's evil-wife with that child-size shovel. ;)
Was he wearing a Sarong on purpose?
#4 is hilarious. SOOO something I would do.

Sounds like there's never a dull moment!

Corona Red said...

Love it. Sounds like your family is about as nuts as mine. Can't wait for part 2.

amy said...

Yeah, I'm with Christina... laughing WITH you, not AT you. Really, I swear... LMAO

I'm trying to picture my world-famous labor union father-in-law in a sarong fixing breakfast and I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Egads!

inandoutspoken's MOMMY BRAIN LEFTOVERS! said...

too hilarious! Yup, those damn monitors can be KILLER!!