Saturday, March 18, 2006

I guess it all depends on how you define "passive-aggressive"

You ever wake up to the realization that it is 7:00 am and you are going to be the attending parent for the morning because your husband is playing possum better than a rodent in Alabama, so you go downstairs, drink all the coffee and put on your Monster Ballads CD set just loud enough so the bass actually makes furniture move?

Yeah, me neither.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Planes, Rains, and ice cream stains

We are back from Hawaii. Despite enough rain to make one contemplate the best design for an ark (on a cocktail napkin accompanying a Mai Tai, of course), we had a delightful time. We had more sushi than people are eating in Japan and our Coppertone baby is living proof that SPF 50 really does work. He doesn't exactly glow in the dark anymore, but it's not like he got much sun.
We met lots of really nice people (Hi, Allenette!) and survived all 22 hours of plane rides.

Which brings me to the point of this post. What moron brings a baby on a plane for hours and hours to Hawaii? Apparently there are lots of us. I thought Hawaii was the honeymoon capital of the US, but there were tons of babies Ethan's size or smaller. It was bizarre. Did everyone else bring their mother along so they could wander down to the pool bar for a couple of Mai Tais, a couple of Blue Hawaiis, a couple of Pina Coladas? In one sitting, of course.

As a side note, I would like to relay a conversation I overheard in line at Cold Stone Creamery in Waikiki between two vacationing 20 year olds who were size 0 and size 00.

0: I just love ice cream.
00: Oh, my GOD, BECKY. That ice cream is TOO BIG. Do you know how many grams of fat are in that thing?

Side note: Saying that an ice cream cone is "too big" is like saying the Pope is "too Catholic."

0: I guess you are right. But I just love ice cream.
00: We are going to be here a few more days.

At this point I interjected, because a) I'm old enough to not care and b) they were idiots.

K to 0: Aren't you on vacation? This ice cream is so worth a little indulgence (while subtlely trying to suck my fat gut in and blatantly trying to justify my own bad behavior).
0: Well, we are going out for a drink after this.
K: Maybe you could just drink light beer.
0: Oh, we are already going to do that.

I got the most colossal ice cream cone you have ever seen which had a half gallon of mint ice cream with 1 cup of chocolate chips and a giant brownie mixed into it. And it was orgasmic. I turned around as I left, just in time to see 0 and 00's grand purchase. A kiddy cup of vanilla ice cream. That they were sharing.

Lucky for them that they finally figured out the key to true happiness in this world. Staying skinny.

Maybe I should have gotten the hot fudge on top?