1. Blood is thicker than water. When the 7-year-old demon seed of second cousin twice removed asked, "So, are you a (insert patriarchal family name known across the county)?" My response, "Well, I'm a ... by marriage." With a look of resignation/condescension, "Yeah, that's what my mom is too." And off he trotted. Little bastard. But I guess he was saying what everyone else is thinking.
2. Do your own damn laundry if you want to be able to find anything ever again. And even if you do your own laundry on the regular cycle, small load, you will return 10 minutes later to find the machine on permanent press wash with a medium load. WTF? Further, I spent $6 on two pairs of socks and ONE SOCK IS MISSING. If you want my child to live, stop messing with my laundry.
3. You know you talk like a truck driver when you have to explain the definition of WTF to the aunt who is a school bus driver for a living and has been doing it for like a hundred years.