we are OUT OF HERE!!

As sad as I am to leave this house which is registering at 87 degrees at 4 a.m. (props to Cath for lending us her 1970 air conditioner which managed to keep our room at a lovely 74 degrees), I look forward to a small reprieve from the heat wave on the East Coast as we travel west. Derek will be attending the "I-Can't-Believe-They-Are-Paying-My-Whole-Trip-To-My-Favorite-Town" Conference and I will be attending the "I-Would-LOVE-To-Try-Your-Sauvignon-Blanc-After-I-Taste-The-Chardonnay" Conference.

Rumor has it that I will have access to the Internet, but after that horrible affair with the whole broken laptop thing, I'm not sure how it's all going to work out. I look forward to spending 5 hours on a plane today with E, as that is his favorite thing, next to having his nails clipped (can you believe I'm still doing it, Nancy?) or having the dog step on him.

Props also go to D for cleaning the entire house last night. Jeers go to E for playing quietly on the floor for HOURS like he does this all the time and what the hell is mom doing anyway?

Catch you cats later.

It finally happened, and it wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be

you know, when you get pregnant, gain 48 pounds, lose 34 pounds the first 3 weeks after childbirth and you still manage to only fit in clothes THREE sizes bigger than where you started and it's FOUR MONTHS LATER, you never believe that anyone will EVER look at you again with even a sliver of interest (except my husband, whom I have discovered is not opposed to women with figures like Wyeth's Helga rather than Hollywood's heroin chic.

(As a side note, when I looked for links to the Helga pictures, I found that you can actually purchase a term paper about Wyeth online. I find this disturbing in more ways than one. Primarily because if I am to purchase a term paper, I would probably like to have the person's NAME spelled correctly. WHO are these idiots and where do I go to sell term papers online? It's not like I am doing anything else these days. But back to the story...)

So I am chatting up D on the cell phone on my way to Costco when I looked over at the van beside me at the light. There is a man blowing kisses at me and raising his eyebrows suggestively (if eyebrow movement can be deemed suggestive). AND HE WAS NOT HOT!!!

On the phone...

K: Oh MY GOSH. I DON'T believe it.
D: What?
K: The guy beside me at the light is blowing kisses at me.
D: Really? (note: totally disinterested because he is actually working and doesn't want to chat on the phone)
K: I don't believe it. It's disgusting.

(pregnant pause)

K: I have a moral dilemma.
D: (perking up) What is your dilemma?
K: He's an AIR CONDITIONING GUY. You think he would come over to the house and replace the A/C today if I flirted back?
D: (pregnant pause) Maybe.....

It is amazing what you will do if you are going on your third week of 85 plus temps INSIDE your house because they "can't come until next Friday." And that is after I wrote the $4210 check.

Don't worry, Mom. I didn't do it.

Ugh.

You can always make him smile. Better than his mother. 

New developments at Chateau Cookie

My husband told me that he felt like I wasn't respecting his "babies" because I was not photographing their growth. That would be the hops growing up the side of the house. His babies. For the love of God and country, what the hell is he talking about and how does he expect me to get anything done if he sits in front of that damn XBox playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas from the second he gets home until he goes to bed?

Moving on...E has discovered that he cannot put EVERY part of his body into his mouth (so many things to say, but I'm just going to let it lie) and he also discovered the inside of Zinni's mouth. This went remarkably better than expected. As a new mother you have all manner of visions of your dog (who couldn't harm anything on his best day) suddenly go rabid and biting your child's arm off. Actually, Zinni foolishly yawned within E's reach and E caught sight of those pearly canines and the big red tongue with the black spot on it. In went his hand. I figured that I would just ride it out and sure enough, Zin just kept his mouth patiently open while E checked it all out with his entire hand and forearm in Zinni's mouth.

Zin had THE MOST BORED LOOK on his face and I could hear his pea-brain saying, "Could you just get his arm out of my mouth?" Oops.

"That's enough, E. Let Zinni close his mouth."

Thanks to Marelle for outing me....payback is a bitch

The Blog Chicken

I just drafted a whole post on the Supreme Court's decision regarding property rights, due process and the enforcement of restraining orders.

I just can't push the Publish Post button because my theory is unpopular and I seek love and acceptance.

I wonder if blogchicken.blogspot.com is available...

Useless things men do

Why is it that when the house is T-R-A-S-H-E-D, the man of the house always wants to do something productive such as clean the basement (insert shed or garage, if appropriate).

D: I think I'll go down and clean the basement.

Perhaps it would be a little more helpful to carry the 37 tons of clean laundry upstair or to hold He-Who-Cries-Incessantly-If-He-Is-Not-Held-When-He-Wants-To-Be-Held so that I can get one thing, just ONE thing done.

The newest (and my favorite) blogger

Now he'll have another avenue to vent about the bastardization of the political parties in America.

He said the political post was for you, Marelle.

Slideshow

For those who missed the slide presentation of the creme brulee (MARELLE!!), here it the link again.

Crazy things E will do

We went to my sister's house on Saturday helping them pick up some furniture. Just before we were ready to leave, I propped E up on the couch (because I will NEVER learn). He was just sitting there by himself, hanging out, when he lifted his leg about 4 inches off the couch.

Dave said, "Look at Ethan lifting his leg. That is so cute."

I knew there was more to this than meets the eye.

He filled his pants. That's right, folks. The kid now lifts his leg to fart, pee or fill his pants. It is friggin' hilarious.

Chocolate layer 

the making of Black and White Creme Brulee 

Black and White Crème Brulee

Here it is, folks. Thanks to Derek for all the pictures he took when I needed both my hands. We are eating it right now. Eat your hearts out.

Black and White Creme Brulee

8 large egg yolks
1/3 cup, plus 8 teaspoons sugar
3 cups heavy whipping cream
1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise
4 oz. dark chocolate, very finely chopped

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Whisk egg yolks and 1/3 cup sugar in large bowl to blend. Pour cream into a heavy saucepan. Scrape in seeds from vanilla bean and add bean. Bring cream to a simmer, remove from heat. Gradually whisk hot cream mixture into yolks. Strain custard into another large bowl. Transfer 2 scant cups to medium bowl. Immediately add chocolate to remaining custard in large bowl. Whisk mixture until chocolate melts and custard is smooth.

Divide chocolate custard among 8 ramekins. Place ramekins in large roasting pan. Pour enough hot water into roasting pan to come halfway up sides of ramekins. Bake until custard is barely set in center, about 25 minutes. Refridgerate until tops feel firm, about 30 minutes. Spoon vanilla custard over chocolate. Place ramekins in roasting pan with water. Bake until vanilla custard is barely set, about 35 minutes. Sprinkle 1 teaspoon sugar on each and TORCH (you can also use a broiler for this--1 minute). Refridgerate for 1 hour.

Garnish with mint and blackberries.

Rules are SOOOO boring

The Iron Chef has created a list of convoluted rules for the bakeoff that can best be described as what one would expect from an attorney. Now that CREATIVITY is part of the requirement, I will surely not win. When will I ever have the time to write a creative piece on how great the dessert tastes? Maybe I will just go out in the neighborhood and take pictures of neighbors reactions as they taste it?

I will be taking a separate poll on this blog for the winner and ALL may participate. Bonus points for anyone who votes for me, but you should probably wait until I actually post the pictures.