The Iron Chef Cooking Challenge

Well this is how I am going to be spending my weekend. While the particulars have not been worked out (what with the Iron Chef making this crap up as he goes in an effort to skew the results in favor of himself I am sure), I will be making my infamous creme brulee and taking pictures for all to see tomorrow. Stay tuned. I would just submit the beer making pictures but beer isn't dessert for some people.

The beer chronicles

After D dug the compact flash card out of the A:/ drive where I mistakenly shoved it instead of the "Compact Flash" drive, I posted pictures here of the bottling of batch #23, an Amber Ale I believe. E was SCREAMING the entire time because we wouldn't pick him up but frankly it was 2 hours past the bedtime I think he should have and we have to get stuff done, for God's sake. We are very serious about our brewing and Little Man had better get on board with that quick.

Favorite movie lines

I have many. Here are a couple of my favorites.

1. "There's no crying in baseball." Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

2. "You want answers???"
"I want the truth."
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" Jack Nicholson, Tom "I swear I am straight" Cruise, A Few Good Men

3. "I JUST ate a bug."
"Well keep your mouth shut." Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell in Overboard.

Let me hear yours.

AHICC #1 (as heard in chateau cookie)

K: This is very important. I am trying to talk to you. What's more important right now, me or your game?

D: Don't make me choose, babe.

God Bless America

Derek is singing a personalized version of GBA for baby E.

"Baby Ethan, Baby Ethan, stand beside me, and guide me, through the night with a light from above."

It ain't right but the baby ain't crying no mo'.

OMG, they have moved on to Jingle Bells. I wish I could tape this and play it online. It is too funny.

oh, she'll wake up if I yell loud enough

This morning when E woke up at 5:30 I brought him into bed with us because it was too damn early to get up for the day. I promptly pulled the covers up around my neck and went back to sleep.

A couple hours later I began to wake up to the "EEEOOOOWWW" of E's look-at-me, look-at-me yell. Not a cry, just a yell.

I opened my eyes and there he was six inches from my face, with both his little hands grasping my shirt and pulling for dear life as he yelled into my face. His eyes went wide with surprise that he actually woke me up and the biggest smile crossed his face.

You can't beat waking up like that.

the words you love to hear

As heard in Chateau Cookie just moments ago...

"You were right and I was wrong. That's why I worship you."

And it thought it was my looks.

Pina Coladas aka how-to-make-it-through-the-day-with-screaming-kids

(while humming Two Pina Coladas by Garth)

8 oz. Goya Cream of Coconut
6 oz. Dole Pineapple Juice
4 oz. Malibu Coconut Rum
4 oz. Midori

Pour Cream of Coconut, pineapple juice and Malibu over a blender full of ice.
Take a swig of Malibu while BLENDING.

Pour into 16 oz. tumblers and float an oz. of Midori on the top. Add a couple of cherries and drink to your heart's content.

Makes 3-16 oz. drinks.

What happened to the customer always being right?

I've been fuming for hours.

To my Afghani friend at the Kabob House, thanks for giving me a cultural lesson on how you treat women. I really loved it when you tried to take the guy's order who was standing directly behind me before you took mine. And it made my day when I piped up that I was next and you asked the guy in FRONT of me if I was with him. I wouldn't have even thought to talk for myself. Thanks for serving the THREE DIFFERENT ORDERS for the THREE MEN behind me and for clearing the restaurant before fulfilling my order. People get capped in this town for less. So I hope you weren't offended when I came over the counter, ripped my receipt of the credit card machine myself, signed and threw it back in your face.

Oh, that's right. It would have been in your face if you hadn't actually WALKED AWAY from the counter AGAIN.

Next time I'll send the man in rather than have him watch the baby in the car. What was I thinking?

To all my friends who have suffered disparate treatment over the years for your race, color, sex or religion, I am so sorry and I can see how this would really piss you off.

confessions of an XBox widow

He's at it again. I did not see the man for 8 weeks during pregnancy thanks to the Halo 2 game that I think I got him. Every night I would drag my fat ass up the stairs alone. He would wander in at around 12 or 1, hot off of some fight he had won. He was a little put out though that he couldn't talk smack with all the other kids by way of the interactive microphone because he didn't have one. I brought it to his attention that the most common phrase heard on Halo 2 was "I gotta go. My mom said dinner is ready."

This time it is Grand Theft Auto San Andreas. I'll admit I was a big fan of Grand Theft Auto Vice City. The only rule I had was that Derek couldn't pick up the hookers. There were plenty of other people from whom he could steal money.

San Andreas is a little off the deep end though. It appears to be one big drive by shooting full of gang stereotypes that are tedious at best. And the language makes even me blush. Since I have been compared to that of a sailor on occasion, you can only imagine.

The good side of this, however, is that I get to be on the computer and I don't have to share. I like not having to share. A Lot.

Talent on the other side of the Pond

Go over here to hear Martin's newest creation Stand Still. And remember when he is terribly famous, that you heard it hear first.

Addicted to MXC

I'll admit it. I'm not ashamed. I watch SpikeTV. The common man's answer to the Lifetime Channel for women. SpikeTV is full idiotic programming designed to wheel men in. And the sleeper hit MXC has got me hooked.

It's a little like Mystery Science Theater 3000, except it is blatently mocking Japanese game show contestants (with lots of sex and potty humor in voice-over English) as they perform "grueling, ridiculous and hilarious stunts, all in the name of what they call 'fun' and we call humiliation." During these stunts, people rack all parts of their bodies and you just have to laugh. It ain't right but it sure as hell appeals to the secret desire to laugh at another's calamity.

My mother would be appalled.

Family Restaurant still doesn't have cheddar cheese

We have been eating at "Family Restaurant and Pizzaria" (sic) for about forever. We used to go there on weekends B.E. for breakfast. A mediocre breakfast at best, but what can you expect from a "Pizzaria" anyway? I haven't had a decent breakfast since I left the Land of the Diners, New Jersey.

Without fail, Derek orders an omelette with many items. Kind of a western meets greek. And like clockwork, he starts out with..."I'll have an omelette with cheddar and (insert whatever).

The only problem is that "Family Restaurant and Pizzaria" (you can't make this up, I swear) has never, ever, EVER had cheddar cheese. The waitresses are getting quick now. They just agree to whatever he says and go off to spit in his omelette. This morning....

KH: FAMILY RESTAURANT never has cheddar cheese. Why the hell do you keep ordering an omelette with cheddar cheese? It doesn't say cheddar cheese on the menu.
DT: On the menu it says they have that cheese omelette with "various cheeses." What kind of cheese do you think they are putting in that?
KH: AMERICAN, feta, mozzarella, parm maybe?
DT: They are not.

Four words for you, folks. "Family Restaurant and Pizzaria." It would not surprise me in the least if the cheese omelette showed up with two colors of American cheese and a sprinkle of parmesan.

So the omelette shows up. That "cheddar" is looking awfully runny.

KH: How's that "cheddar" cheese?
DT: Shut up.