Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Living a charmed life

This morning I was having a lovely dream. We were on a boat with my in-laws in Hawaii. There was some discussion about my father-in-law's driving, and then my mother-in-law threw up.

K: Did you just throw up?
MIL: Yes, I hope it didn't get on you.
K: Just a little spray in the air.

Then she did it again. A WOOOSHHH of vomit.

Except we weren't in Hawaii, we weren't on a boat, and it wasn't my mother-in-law. I opened my eyes to find my child vomiting on me.

UGH! you say. Which time? The first time or the second time (Blue Raspberry Flavorice) or the successive 5 times. His father, showing his generosity by sharing his flu with his son, called at 10:30 to say that he was sick and was coming home from work. Not 30 minutes after he got home, I heard the boy working his magic in the kitchen.

E: This.
D: Do you want some bread, buddy?
E: This!

K: Why are you giving him bread?
D: He wants some.
E: This.
K: He is vomiting up bile.
D: Am I supposed to tell him no?

No? Tell the boy no? Is that an option?

Fastforward 2 hours later. The husband handed the boy over to me. And he vomited what looked disturbing like it had at some point, been bread. He had the kid for 2 hours and when did he throw up? Within 20 seconds of being handed to me.

There was a diarrhea incident, but I won't bore you. For the next 10 hours, every time the husband handed me the baby, the baby threw up on me. Not on his father, just me. I'm on my fifth outfit of the day. The boy is on his second. Because early on he figured out how to lean over to vomit, completely missing his own clothes.

If there is a God, this will be the 24, and not the 72 hour flu.


vani said...

i hope its only a 24 hr bug too! vomiting sucks. :(

missbhavens said...

Oooohhhhh I hate vomit. I hate my vomit, I hate dog vomit and I hate other people's vomit.

It must irritate the crap out of you that he doesn't puke on his dad. It is a Mom's lot in life to be yaked on. After too much Easter candy I threw up on my Mom's face at the tender age of 7. It is still the number one Easter dinner conversation topic.

I'm so, so sorry your almost nice Hawaii dream turned into a real-life pukey nightmare.

Biscuit said...

OH yak! If only the boy could figure out how to lean waaaaaaay over and barf on the daddy instead. I say next time you see it coming, run with baby in arms outstretched and hold him over dad.

AL said...

Oh, oh, oh . . . I am sorry, but I can't stop laughing . . . you have a great way with words and I can visualize and feel your pain!

"Dear God, Please help Kristen and let this only be a 24 hour bug! Thank you - Ahem."

Fantastagirl said...

Oh No...I can just picture this happening...

Please let this only be a 24 hour bug... or shorter.