I went shopping today and brought home two very important items. The first being the Mac lashes that I will apply with super glue to my eyelids when I am in the wedding with the five anorexics in two weeks (in hopes that my #4's will draw attention away from the fact that I am the only person over 100 pounds in this wedding). I think that between the lashes and the low-cut clothing, my diversion will be complete and effective.
The second important item was the red and green plaid flannel shirt for the Boo to wear for his Christmas picture. What I did not anticipate was his father's reaction.
K: Isn't this the cutest little shirt?
D: Yeah, it's alright (full well knowing that 'alright' is the equivalent to the 'you don't look too fat in that outfit').
K: Alright? What does that mean?
D: Well......................it's not like it is the most masculine shirt.
K: Masculine? The kid is 8 months old. It's a flannel shapeless shirt. What would make it masculine? If it was rust colored and had motor oil stains on the front of it, would that make it masculine? How about beer stains?
D: Well, don't get upset. I'm just saying that you are wanting me to say it's the greatest shirt I have ever seen, and I'm not going to say that because it's not.
K: Kind of like when you said the Sesame Crusted Tuna Medallions with Ponzu sauce I made last night weren't "the greatest tuna that I ever had but it isn't that bad" comment? Let me tell you something, mister. I went to the rack with the UGLIEST clothes on it and looked for the shirt that would match YOUR CLOTHES. I figured that in every single picture of you from the age of 7 to 20 you are wearing some DAMN FLANNEL SHIRT that perhaps you would be proud to have your own personal "Mini Me." Even though they came to mind, I kept my fantasies of the Boo wearing a pretentious, and frankly downright ostentatious red Polo SWEATER VEST to myself. You know what his friend is wearing in his Christmas picture????? It's a tossup between the red jacket with POOH in 72 font across it and a big fat HONEY POT or a red and grey argyle sweater vest. I bring home the Lumberjack Christmas Flannel Shirt and you are pissy.
D: So.....do you wanna go to bed?
K: Ah, not just no but HELL NO.
I am so going out tomorrow and buying the Boo the PeaPod Halloween outfit. You want to see unmasculine......