Thursday, October 06, 2005

The continuation of the allergy story: fastforward two days after the "ant incident"

We met up with B in Glacier National Park. It was still light out so we decided to go to the Visitor's Center to see what was up. It was already closed when we arrived and the parking lot was pretty empty except for a ranger's truck and a couple of Brits standing beside a rental car, chatting.

We got out of the truck and out leaped Zinni with us. While there is an actual law that dogs must be on leashes, we rarely follow these laws. You know, what with Zinni being so obedient and all. I mean, he comes when you are grilling steak. I think we had a leash with us though.

Anyway, Derek had once again been bitten by ants while putting up the tent and was jacked up on Benadryl. He wandered down the little gravel road with the sign that said "PARK RANGERS ONLY." I started yelling to him but he was clueless. Taking dazed and confused to a whole new level. He took the dog with him. Realizing that I would get more of a response from a brick wall, I gave up.

It was then that we looked up to the top of the hill and saw the most gorgeous ram standing right outside the Visitor's Center. I thought it was fake because it was standing so still. As he stood there checking us out, the dog started to trot back to me. Oh, yeah. You can see this coming, right?

With that, the ram looked at the dog and then came charging at me at about a million miles an hour. Having been on wilderness trips with B in the past that involved her spewing forth directions in advance while on a flight to the end of the earth ("if you see a caribou, run. If you see a bear, stand still. If you see a beaver, ..."), I yelled to her, "What do I do?"

Sure, she can't friggin' shut up on a 7 hour flight about what the hell I am supposed to do when I see any manner of creature in Alaska (which doesn't even matter because after 4 Bocci Balls, I don't even know my OWN NAME and I clearly didn't remember all her coaching when the caribou charged me in Denali), but now she's got nothing to say. As my life passed before me and I realized that not only was he going to run me down, he was probably going to maul me as well, the dog stopped his advance toward me and the ram ran in the 4 feet between us.

With that, I heard, "GET THAT DAMN DOG ON A LEASH!"

I almost die and Ranger Rick is worried about a damn leash? The Brits in the parking lot are freaking out and B is looking like she is going to pass out.

My soon-to-be husband turns around and walks toward me.

K: Did you see that? That ram almost killed me.
D: Huh?
K: Didn't you see that?
D: No.
K: I almost died.
D: Huh?

I hate Benadryl.


Bossy♥'s YOU said...

ohh man...yes I hate benadryl too..

u have the best stories:)

momma of 2 said...

LOL...well you know - the dog could have hurt the ram...ugh - glad you lived to tell the story.

Marel Lecone said...

How the hell did you make me laugh through the whole ram-almost-killing-you-part?!? Or, maybe, I wasn't laughing until you got into it with D . . . whatever . . . that was funny. :) Uh--should I be apologizing now for possibly laughing at the near death experience? :) BTW, men and their "huh?" usually drive me insane and a little crazy. :)

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Sorry...but I found that SO damn funny! :)

I get jacked up on Benadryl too....completely knocks me on my ass!

Great post! :)

MB said...

I get totally unconcious on Benedryl.
Loved the story. Made me laugh and laugh!!!

vani said...

LOL- ranger rick! and your soon-to-be-hubby! great story...sorry u almost got killed by a ram. :)

missbhavens said...

That was really's sort of messed up that your near-death story is funny. But it is! As for me I loves me some Benadryl. 50mg and a glass of Chard and the night. Is. Over.

Marel Lecone said...

I'm back and missbhavens' comment is too. funny! :)

Jaime said...

Okay, first of all, I thought 60 bees were scary. Now I'd have to change my mind and tell Derek to tighten up. A charging ram is much more scary. Points for Kristen.

Also - Benadryl and I DO NOT MIX. (Which is great since I am allergic to EVERYTHING - geesh... atleast give me some relief!). The last (and I do mean last) time I had benadryl there was an incident involving my 4-year old niece eating 35 cookies and me wetting myself. Not pretty.

Marmie said...

you are a great writer!!