Thursday, August 25, 2005

Back alive, doctor's office visits and on-demand feeding

I lied. When I said that the most inopportune time to have a poop bomb was 3 minutes before takeoff on a flight, I lied. Because having a poop bomb 10 minutes before leaving for the airport, the poop bomb that covers 70 percent of the baby's body and 30 percent of the baby's car seat, is the worst. Hands down.

We got home, but the baby was still doing his "eh, eh, eh-ing." Even I couldn't console him. So this was the conversation between me and the nurse yesterday.

N: Maybe he got an ear infection from all the pressurization issues on the plane. You should bring him in.
K: But he doesn't have a fever.
N: Ah, my kids NEVER got a fever with their ear infections.
K: I swear to God, I told my husband that if it is NOT an ear infection, I'm giving this kid up for adoption because he is driving me nuts.
N: (insert muted tee-hee-hee) Just bring him in.

So we get to the doctor and apparently we are the talk of the office. Old friends by now with the nurse who has seen E a hundred times, she comments that everyone in the office is very amused by my statement. Failing to see the amusement, I just nodded. She then proceeded to to say that, and I quote, "Kristen, his ears are PERFECT. He's just teething."

I got back out to the car and called Derek.

K: Should I leave him in the office with the nurses or just out front with all the office girls smoking?
D: I'll be there in 10 minutes to get him.
K: You can't get here in 10 minutes. You don't have a car.
D: I'll take a taxi.
K: It's rush hour. I guess I'll just take him home.

I stopped by Buy Buy Baby and bought 37 of those frozen thingees for baby gums and the amped up Baby Ambesol.

Fastforward 2 hours later.

K: Aren't you going to give him the ambesol?
D: It's bedtime Ambesol. I'm waiting for bedtime.
K: It's f-ing bedtime somewhere.

And he went to sleep at 8:00 p.m. Ah, it's the little blessings in life that keep us going...

Until 2 a.m. Anyone know how the kid got on Greenwich Mean Time? He played for an hour in bed and was talking, yet again, in his OUTSIDE VOICE to the animals on his bumper. I finally gave in at 3 and got him. I fed him for a while but I was too tired so I rolled over and tried to go to sleep. He commenced a long-ass conversation with my bra strap about the injustices of mothers and, I can only imagine, the injustices of the bra that stood in his way. Did I mention he was using his outside voice? It is 8 a.m. and I haven't slept for the last 6 hours.

Anybody want this baby?


MB said...

Oh honey, ****hugs**** No one appreciates all that mother's do for their kids. But as I have mentioned before. It's good you are writing all this down, to be used as guilty memories when E is driving you nuts as a teen! Oe later when he doesn't call enough from college. You can say to him:
"Think of all I sacrificed, all the sleep I lost so you could be raised in comfort and with enough healthy food!"

Katya said...

you're really talking him up - he is a cutie, i'm sure the nurses would have happily taken

hope you get some sleep soon...



Bossy♥'s YOU said...

ahhh....I will take him..but he MUST use his indoor

I have been there...soon he will be talking whcich do you prefer?

amy said...

Christina brings up a good point. I guess it's better to have mumbled "ehs" than "no no no" all the time. Maybe you should take some of the ramped up ambesol and use it in odd places so you can be exhaustedly amused at the numbness.

It's an awful idea, but it's the only one I've got.

Jaime said...

As usually, completely LMAO.
I know this probably isn't the time you care to hear how freakin' adorable he is?!? ;)
I think my sister may have already tried the leaving-the-baby-at-the-doctor's-office thing (and the grocery store ... and the mall... and the restaurant) ;) Wierd how people frown upon that. Have they not had cranky babies of their own? I mean... really... there's a good chance she (and you) would come back for them - probably - eventually. ;)

Marel Lecone said...

Cute. I can completely appreciate your frustration. You know, people swear by these homeopathic pills called Humphreys. We used them. They seem to help with the kid's irratibility. Ask the pharmacist about them. For yours, well, pull out that beer. :) You know I'm kidding. But, still, pull out the beer. It was a great post--too funny. :)

Biscuit said...

Soooooo glad to be past the diaper stage. But, I hate to tell you that the OUTSIDE VOICES and disregard for time don't seem to have an end. My plan is to be VERY LOUD when insisting on lawn mowing before dawn when they are teenagers.

Random Vixen said...

I think thats rough the worst diaper bomb i got was after an hour in a car halfway to boston and there wasnt a place to stop for another 30 miles. All over the car seat and the back and the kid, ick.

Oh on the teething get rid of those plastic freezie crap things. Frozen waffles are the best, their cheaper, non-toxic and you can knock out a feeding with them.

PBS said...

Oh, he's such a cutie! But they can sure wear you out.

inandoutspoken's MOMMY BRAIN LEFTOVERS! said...

Sorry you're having a sleep-deprived day (mommy life!). And it gets better... pretty soon you'll be able to give up your reserved parking space at the Ped's office ~wink~.

Kristen said...

MB-He is SO gonna hear about this later...

Katya--I could ship him over the Pond in a second. Interested?

Christina--they eventually talk back? WTF?

AMy--self-medication/doing ambesol myself. I'll have to think that one through.

Jaime--I could leave him at a restaurant too???

Marelle--Humphrey's... on the list as we speak

OBH--I hope you use your outside voice at 5:30 a.m. on a Saturday. How much longer til you can do it?

Random--that idea rocks!! I'll let you know how it goes.

PBS--thanks for always being so upbeat and positive

Inandoutspoken--they duck at the office when they see me coming!