Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Oscar isn't the only one using the trash can for entertainment purposes

Remember all that crap I wrote in a prior post about being a good mom. It was BS. Because I resorted to writing about it, I clearly am trying to convince myself that no, I don't need to be carted away for my poor maternal behavior.

Take this morning, for instance. I was in the shower trying to decide if my nasal passages were ever going to feel the air again or if I was forever destined to walk the earth with a head full of snot.

As I contemplated this, the baby was wandering around the bathroom. I figure that as long as I don't hear the toilet seat go up, we're good. But then he started to cough. I peaked around the side of the shower curtain and there he was, standing in the middle of the bathroom, trying to cough out little pieces of toilet paper from the last square left on the the roll that had been thrown in the trash can.

You guys know that last square. The square of toilet paper that is stuck to the roll that you neglect to liberate now because, by God, you have a little more money and you don't need to get that roll out of the trash can and use the last square like you did in college. The efforts you used to take to liberate the last millimeter of toilet paper on the roll back in college because damn it, you didn't have any money to buy toilet paper and you meant to steal some from the john at school but you got distracted by that really hot guy that sits in front of you in English, and now you are going to have to try to use the brown roll because the last square isn't cutting it.

I went back to my shower because if I don't figure out how to breathe soon, we are going to have bigger problems than toilet-paper-breath on the baby. I finished my shower and flung open the shower curtain to find my child standing in the middle of the bathroom with a used Q-Tip dangling from his mouth like a cigarette. Gross? yes. But did I get my shower? yes.

I say there is another side of that Q-Tip when you are finished with that one, buddy. I still have to get dressed.

9 comments:

amy said...

Oh.Wow. The image of E with a Q-Tip in his mouth like a cigarette is so priceless. You tell the most hilarious stories.

momma of 2 said...

at least he wasn't up to his armpits in toilet water.... see there are worse things.

missbhavens said...

mmmmm.....Charmin!

Random Vixen said...

c1's 8. the last time I caught her with a used qtip in her mouth she was 5. Yeah and at that age it really starts to make you question your skills. Don't worry about the paper. once they hit pre-k we will have a shitload of empty toilet and paper towel rolls that you have been asked to save for crafts. They grow out of the eating becuase there's none for them to eat.

Corona Red said...

That's great. You have a gift for story telling. Thanks for sharing.

And hey - he has to have something to tell his therapist some day.

AL said...

Oh, that is so funny...I think we have all been to that point! Next time just hide a few "safe" things for him to play with that he can "find" and have fun with.

Don't worry you have not lost your good mom image to me - just improved it with your grace - LOL!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

least he didnt have a tampon in his nose, now that would be bad mothering;)

Memphis Steve said...

You are a funny, funny mommy!

Jaime said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - you're totally killing me. I'm dying of laughter!!!