Saturday, January 21, 2006

Just wait until the credit card offers come

Ever since he has been about 2 months old, my child has been getting mail. I would like to say that it is from his various college trust funds, informing him that his education investment has been growing at 15% yearly, but who are we kidding? Trust funds?

It started with a letter from Robert Kennedy, imploring E to contact his congressman and strongly urge him to vote against drilling in Alaska. I asked E if he wanted to call his congressman, but he just threw up on me. The only thing more apropos would have been crapping all over me. He apparently is precocious when it comes to politics.

Then it was a slew of mail from all manner of wildlife organizations--Save the Whales, Wildlife Land Trust, The Jane Goddall Society, The National Audubon Society, Friends of the National Zoo. You get the picture. He has gotten stuffed animals, pennies, and return address labels.

This seems extremely odd to me. We aren't animal people here. We have a dog, we love our dog but reality is that we would rather have a night out eating sushi than pay for a stray to get neutered. It's the cold, hard facts.

So, is E crawling into the bedroom, climbing up onto the top of the dresser, stealing a 20 from dad's billfold and sending it off to PETA? I mentioned this situation to my friend when we were talking on the phone this morning and she mentioned that she had begun to get a stack of fitness magazines in the mail recently. Appalled at her husband's insensitivity, she asked him why he was doing this to her. He maintains his innocence and ignorance on the matter. She said that they now think their 7-year old daughter is ordering them online. Probably while she reads the Washington Post in the morning (dear Lord, is this what I have to look forward to?).

My guess is that my mother-in-law, the champion of all four-legged creatures, contributed some amount of money to an animal cause in my son's name. Let's just hope it wasn't ALF or ELF. I can't wait to see the FBI agent's face when he comes to interview Ethan regarding his involvement in ecoterrorist organizations.

I'll take a picture for you.

8 comments:

vani said...

LOL, that has to be annoying though. I hate junk mail in my name as it is, cant imagine getting it in my kids name too!

momma of 2 said...

The poor guy he isn't even old enough to vote and those people are bugging him.... We get so much junk mail - I can't imagine my kids getting it too...

Martin said...

Are you feeling a bit better?

Would your mother really do that?

Save the Whales were on the news today, blatantly failing to save the late Wally from death by cheering tourists (I demand a state funeral!), so don't give them any money if they can't live up to their name.

Martin said...

Mother-in-law, even. It's late.

amy said...

Bart Simpson got a credit card when he was young(er) (relatively speaking). Didn't he put it in Santa's Little Helper's name? I can just see E with one of those fake kiddie laptops ordering up some Microsoft software or some Apple ibooks and having them charged to the dog. He's probably got a pretty decent credit rating already, don't you think?

AL said...

Junk mail is really annoying - it must be 100 times more when it is for you kid! It was suggested by Money Magazine to check your children's credit reports, too. This way identity theft can be caught early on (child id theft is on the rise).

I am not trying to be negative, but you might consider this...what if he is getting this stuff b/c someone else is using his name for stuff. Scary thought!

jen lemen said...

maybe mada is putting e on her favorite mailing lists in addition to stuffing our mailbox with fitness.

Jaime said...

I donated to my friend's fundraiser a few months back in Rylee's name. The girl now gets more mail than we do.