Friday, July 01, 2005

It finally happened, and it wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be

you know, when you get pregnant, gain 48 pounds, lose 34 pounds the first 3 weeks after childbirth and you still manage to only fit in clothes THREE sizes bigger than where you started and it's FOUR MONTHS LATER, you never believe that anyone will EVER look at you again with even a sliver of interest (except my husband, whom I have discovered is not opposed to women with figures like Wyeth's Helga rather than Hollywood's heroin chic.

(As a side note, when I looked for links to the Helga pictures, I found that you can actually purchase a term paper about Wyeth online. I find this disturbing in more ways than one. Primarily because if I am to purchase a term paper, I would probably like to have the person's NAME spelled correctly. WHO are these idiots and where do I go to sell term papers online? It's not like I am doing anything else these days. But back to the story...)

So I am chatting up D on the cell phone on my way to Costco when I looked over at the van beside me at the light. There is a man blowing kisses at me and raising his eyebrows suggestively (if eyebrow movement can be deemed suggestive). AND HE WAS NOT HOT!!!

On the phone...

K: Oh MY GOSH. I DON'T believe it.
D: What?
K: The guy beside me at the light is blowing kisses at me.
D: Really? (note: totally disinterested because he is actually working and doesn't want to chat on the phone)
K: I don't believe it. It's disgusting.

(pregnant pause)

K: I have a moral dilemma.
D: (perking up) What is your dilemma?
K: He's an AIR CONDITIONING GUY. You think he would come over to the house and replace the A/C today if I flirted back?
D: (pregnant pause) Maybe.....

It is amazing what you will do if you are going on your third week of 85 plus temps INSIDE your house because they "can't come until next Friday." And that is after I wrote the $4210 check.

Don't worry, Mom. I didn't do it.

Ugh.

6 comments:

Humor Girl said...

gross!!! lol...What's even worse: When both of your windows are down and it feels like they're riding in the car with you. You can hear their music..heck, even their breath! BLAH!! GO AWAY!!!

PS...The baby in the pic below is SOOOOO beautiful!!! Yours?

Kristen said...

humor girl--that's my baby! And based on your picture I'm guessing the boys do that to you ALL THE TIME. :-)

I'll bet your guys are cuter than my guy was though...

Iron Chef said...

schwing!

Humor Girl said...

No, Kristen, they're not! It's like the red-light is their vote of confidence. I usually just pretend I don't notice...and continue to apply my mascara.

Humor Girl said...

PPS I LOVE you're conversation with your husband! That is too hysterical! Your moral dilemma...and his response to it were priceless. "...maybe."

Kristen said...

IC--very funny

HG--you have no idea how desperate we really are here.