Friday, November 18, 2005

***SPOILER**** Pride & Prejudice

Yesterday after Gymboree, we watched P & P and this is my oh, so professional movie review. Perhaps my poor attitude is a result of Ally's mom trying to teach the Boo how to "be gentle" in Gymboree since she did such a great job at it with Ally. First and foremost, my kid has a motor skills problem. He can do gentle up until the last three inches, when he loses his balance and goes falling directly into the "honey lovely" aka object of his affection for the second. He is a klutz but he is doing the best he can. I just apologize for him because so you mothers at Gymboree think I give a rat's ass about if my kid pokes your kid's eye out. FYI, I DON'T CARE.

So thanks for the help, B-ee-och, and go back to your clique-y playgroup and continue discussing how you got a great deal on your Soccer Mom uniform at Ralph Lauren last week.

Back to my review. For those of you wondering how I could possible tell you something that happens in P&P, the movie, seeing as you have probably read the book and how could ANYTHING happen in the movie that didn't happen in the book, "nanny-nanny-boo-boo" and here I go. So if your heart is set on betraying the All-Six-Hours-BBC-No-One-Else-Can-Ever-Be-Mr.-Darcy-Except-Colin-Firth true P & P, then you had better stop reading now.

If you are still reading, and I somehow ruin the movie for you, it is your own damn fault as you have been forewarned.

Did anyone own a brush in 1814? I'm going out on a limb to say YES. This movie was reminiscent of Mary McDonnell in Dances With Wolves. During that whole movie, everyone else was perfectly coiffed and for some reason, Ms. McDonnell confused "Dancing With Wolves" with "Raised By Wolves" and had that dirty face with that skanky hair. Same thing here, except no one owned a brush except Caroline Bingley--I guess because she was rich.

Anyone have any idea why they all looked like paupers and there was a gigantic pig running through the house at one point? They weren't poor. Talk about confusing "entailing your estate away from the family" with having no money.

I hate to get all "strict Jane Austen constructionist" on you, but Elizabeth Bennett doesn't get her feelings hurt by Darcy, Darcy doesn't even notice her for the first 1/4 of the book and they certainly aren't two star-crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet from the second scene of the movie.

But, if you are a huge fan of Sixteen Candles, the final scene was worth the wait. Just substitute our hero and heroine for Samantha and Jake, and you have a winner.

Hollywood gone bad, yet again.


amy said...

I have heard mixed reviews of this particular version of the story, so I'm glad a 'regular person' has gone ahead and given their perspective too.

(And not that you're 'regular' as in boring, I just meant ... oh pooh. You know what I meant!)

Martin said...

Jane Austen Schmane Schmausten. What a load of tedious, twee, puerile nonsense (with the occasional interjection of pretty sharp humour, which I like. But on the whole, drivel.

Now, Zadie Smith, that's another matter...

Kristen said...

Martin--that blasphemy!!!

I don't think I can breathe right now...

Martin said...

I apologise for inducing a little hyperventilation. But I just don't like Jane Austen. Maybe it's that I had to read four of her books at school (P+P, S+S, Emma, Persuasion).

That Keira Knightley's very pretty, isn't she?

Now, government investigators?

Marel Lecone said...

[searching for my copy of P&P as I type, of course]

Ah, yes! As usual, you are absolutely correct.

heehee It's just easier that way. :)

Jaime said...

It must be because of his big head... LOL (totally kidding - his head is completely normal and your doctor is on crack!).

I used to TOTALLY lust over Jake... sigh... he was my dream boy. ;)

missbhavens said...

Coolness! Do Darcy & Lizzie sit on a dining room table over a Carvel cake (the kind with the little chocolate crunchies) all lit up with candles? Because that STILL makes me sigh deeply and makes me feel all nostalgic for young love. Those kids really knew how to brush theyir hair.

Mmmmm....Jake Ryan.