Wednesday, September 28, 2005

What happens when your husband leaves his seat when you go to the baseball game

So we went to see the home team the other night. Never having taken the Boo Boo Kitty to a game, we figured the very end of the season was the right time to go.

It didn't work out so hot since the baby hadn't taken a nap, it was 90 degrees, and we were in the two seats that were still in the sun. We gave him an ungodly amount of baby cookies, but he was not going to be appeased. Derek said he would go and change him in the lav and maybe that would change his mood as well.

As he walked up the stairs, change dropped from the pocket of my shorts. I leaned over to get it and suddenly I was getting help from the peanut gallery.

"There's a quarter to your left."
"Looks like you have a penny under your foot."

As I sat back up, local government employee/"I-left-a-leave-slip-on-the-boss's-desk-in-case-he-notices-I'm-gone"/new best friend Carl leans over and says ...

"I know you got yo' husband by wearing them thong underwear, girl."

Oops. All my complaints about being a size ... and not being able to fit into my old clothes, my shorts are now starting to rest comfortably on my hips instead of my waist.

K: Well, you know how it goes, Carl. Girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to get her a husband.
C: I know that's right.

With that he turned back to his conversation with his homies sitting on the row above us. Not two minutes later, Drunken Fool arrives.

DF: Hey there. Your husband told me that he had to leave with the baby and I was supposed to look after you.
K: (thinking that this was an impressive line coming from a man that had probably consumed, oh, about 9 Bud Lights) Really? You don't say?
DF: Yeah, I saw him leave.
K: Actually, I think he went to change the baby.
DF: You got HIM changing the baby?
K: That's right. How good am I?
DF: Wow. My wife tried that s$%^ on me when we had twins but I told her to forget about it.
K: Yep, I've got him right where I want him.
DF: Huh...

With that I graciously managed to get him back to his seat, unharmed by me, Carl or my returning husband.

Note to self: Don't wear the "everyday's-gameday" underwear to the game. No good comes from it.


amy said...

You are my idol. That's classic, Kristen. I live for stories like that (and moments of my own that resemble similar hilarity)!!!

Amy said...

Oh, I love you. Yup...I've fallen in love.thanks for the laugh!!

momma of 2 said...


Marel Lecone said...

Ha! That is great! You're too funny as usual.

J.P. said...

I don’t get the same kind of reaction when my thong sticks out.

Carl said...

That doesn't sound like me at all.

Kristen said...

Politix Amy--I try to keep everything funny enough to entertain you.

Red Sox Amy--thank you very much and sorry for your team's loss tonight. OK, so maybe I'm not REALLY sorry (is this a good time to clarify that I am a Yankee fan--or will you no longer love me? LOL)... Thanks for stopping by.

Momma--what can I say?

Marelle--glad to see you are back

JP--I am SURE you get the same response

Carl--did I mention I saw AJ last week? And I was at the airport? Maybe you'll call me back now that I have baited you.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

That was just plain GOOD! ;)

Carl said...

But what underwear were you wearing at the time?

vani said...

LOL- i love the nicknames..hehe

Jaime said...

I love it when your posts have dialogue. It's my favorite! :) You kill me.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

lol...thongs at a it....

i hate it when creep up my ass:)

u always give me a good crack up..and i think you;)

Cathy said...

Keep wearing those gameday thongs - what's the harm of a few "compliments" during a game if that thong gets you game where ever you are!

I say its all good if you've got some guy checking out your ass - ets :)

YMGH said...

nothing funny about that conversation, he's probably the same guy who sexually harrasses "buxom-shy-Jane" at the office and sends her crying to the bathroom. Your conversation was fodder for his fire.