Wednesday, August 31, 2005

High points and low points

My sister always has her kids tell her their "high point" and "low point" of their day. Something about promoting their emotional knowledge at a young age. So here are mine for yesterday. I have several of each.

High Point
Getting a Job. YIPPEE for me. I'll be an overpaid government contractor writing investigative policy for a small quasi-federal agency. It is only a small step on my way to total world domination.

I'm not quite sure how to write anything without using the word "poop" now. Oh dear.

Low Point
To date, the biggest poop bomb ever. After sitting quietly in his car seat during lunch at Mark's Kitchen, I decided to spring the Boo Boo Kitty from his nest. Except he sprung on me. I had to change his diaper in the trunk of the car. There he was standing in the trunk, buck-naked, with poop which extended up to his ears. After 17 wipes, at least he didn't smell God-awful, but who was I kidding? He was standing in the trunk and I was wiping with one hand and gripping him under the armpit with my other hand. Realizing that my hold on him was precarious at best, he decided to trot out onto the bumper. There he was walking up and down the bumper of the sedan. I was throwing the wipes on the ground because there was no place to put them at the instant time. Of course, I was in the People's Republic of Maryland and people were glaring at me like I had just poisoned a tree full of squirrels for fun. I was gonna pick them up when I was done. Geesh. I then tried to lay him down to put on his diaper and he started to knaw on the trunk latch, which is the cleanest part of the car, I'm sure. He was rolling his naked ass around, all over the binders that I am supposed to review for my high paying contract job. I hope he didn't leave any butt-prints on the Quality Standards for Investigations manual.

High Point
I was walking out of the quasi-government building yesterday while talking smack to my husband about how I was going to make money when I felt the eery sense that I was being watched. I looked down but there was no toilet paper sticking out of my pants or stuck under my shoe. I looked up to see two HOTTIES in suits TOTALLY CHECKING ME OUT!!!!!! After 16 months of being totally ignored, I SHRIEKED and got into the car. It was a high point of my adult life. Imagine if I had my jacket off and they saw my rack?? Derek found this very entertaining as I recounted it live.

Low Point
Laying down to take a nap and having E rip off one of my favorite necklaces and then eating my cell phone as I pretended to sleep in hopes that he would give up and go to sleep. He proceeded to crawl back and forth over me until 3 minutes before it was time to get up. Then he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

High Point
Suprising Mada at the end of her second day of 1st grade by putting E in the bag for the Pack'n'Play so she could unzip it and find the surprise. It wasn't quite a surprise when E realized that there was a huge hole in the bag for the handle and he got both arms out of the bag and was waving them. What kind of people put an infant in a canvas bag to cheer up a 7 year-old?

19 comments:

Kris said...

So wait . . . Boo boo kitty is NOT the husband?!? :)

I love your writing.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

lol...so you must be one smart cookie to get an over payed goverment job...shit i hate u now..i use to love u..and it turned to hate in the blink of an eye..

poor boo boo kitty...i had a simalar incdent today with baby spawn..not pretty..not pretty at all..

and high point and low points..io do that too only it is..." what was the best part of your day" and " what was worst part of your day"

I am a geek, yes i know this already:)

did u get your BC yet..tomorw is the first anyway..maybe hubby can snuggle tomorw night:)

Kristen said...

Kris--if I called my husband BBK I think he would kill me and thanks for being a happy reader.

Chris--if it makes you feel any better, my job is only a month-long gig and I'm in a fantasy world to believe I am being overpaid. Please love me. I can't take the refusal of your love. lol

Corona Red said...

Congrats on the job! Welcome to world of being decently played, but bored. Good luck!

Love the bit about the "surprise" for Mada.

Robin said...

Congrats on the job!! :-)

Marel Lecone said...

I thought of you today as I tried to change a poop d. without the damn wipes. While the kid's feet swung in the crap, I'm running around looking for the last of the wipes. Don't worry--when I called my husband about the lack of wipes, I was rather sweet about it. I guess I'm in a good mood today. heehee :)

Oh, and now Elijah says, "Sdop It!" over and over while I change him. I think I'm glad he's talking more now. :)

Martin said...

At least the good outweighed the bad, eh? Well done on the Getting Of A Job.

The word verification thing is discriminatory against drunkards.

amy said...

You got a job! You got a job! Hooray for you! Now all you have to do is find a way to work the word "poop bomb" into your everyday writing. And given that you're working for the government, you'll at least have experience with half that duty (since I'm pretty sure it won't be hard to work the word "bomb" into conversation. "Poop" is already part of their vocab, no?)

Anonymous said...

OK - clearly everyone is impressed about the job....my take....

CONGRATS ON THE TWO HOTTIES CHECKING YOU OUT - you still got it babe - all that AND a bag of chips!

Cathy said...

In case you were wondering - I was anonymous above.... :)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

yes I was gonna mention about the hotties..but i ddidnt want her getting a big head and all..LOL

ok I luv ya agian..I know u have been sad and lonley:)

MB said...

Congrats on the new job!
I once had to stop and buy clothes for my daughter after she Pooped so bad that nothing could be salvaged. And all this after I though she was safely toilet trained!!

PBS said...

Congratulations on your new job! It sounds like a good one, especially with hotties checking you out already! Glad the balance was for high points!

Biscuit said...

Mmmmmmmmm, possibly the same kind of people who put knee-high panty hose on their cats head and call her "Burgler Kitty?" I've heard, anyway...

Random Vixen said...

Very orginal putting the kid in the bag. I never thought of that, but I only got one kid. oh well.

Word veriffcation hates dsylexics.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

You crack me up...and GOOD FOR YOU about the hot guys checking you out!!! (Next time, take the jacket off and leave them completely breathless!;)

Katya said...

that was a well deserved belly laugh, the bit about the squirrels made me snort coke out of my nose (the diet kind of course)...

brilliant...i love your poop stories...

:0)

vani said...

yes- what an awesome feeling is is to be checked out by hotties after a dry spell! i love it too..:)

Jaime said...

Congrats on the new job!! You will totally rock at dominating the world! ;) And, who says overpaid government contractors can't write (say) poop.