Monday, April 10, 2006

Life lessons CAN be learned at a bar

1. You are only as old as you feel.

Derek's cousin Mike beat us to the bar. He called Derek on his cell phone.

M: Buddy, I showed up at the bar and said I was here for the party and they ushered me to a back room with a huge "50" balloon. Did you turn 50?

This coming from the man that spent at least the first 20 SUMMERS of his life with D. They are 11 months apart. You think he would have noticed that Derek was 10 years old than him when they were, say 5 years old. I asked him if he took his driver's license out to check his birthday.

Crickets.

2. What constitutes morality anyway?

Dave said that when he was asked by his background investigator if he considered himself a moral person, he replied that he was morally opposed to describing himself as moral.

3. Sometimes a bar is just too loud to facilitate good communication.

Matt told us that he went to a "Meet the Puppy" party hosted by his boss because his boss was hosting. Two weeks later he got a phone call suggesting that he and his kids go to the ER because the boss had to put down his puppy for being rabid.

Now if that isn't rich enough, the whole time Matt was calling it the "Meet the Puppy" party, I thought he was saying a "Beat the Puppy" party. I kept saying "a Beat the Puppy Party?" Even I couldn't understand why someone would have a "Beat the Puppy" party, and I have a Lab.

4. Can you ever really "know" a person?

A person who shall remain nameless since he still thinks he has a shot at becoming a judge one day and they frown on these kinds of experiences told a story about how he used black powder to make pipe bombs when he was in elementary school. Several times.

5. Who says "you can't always get what you want?"

My mother called during the party to tell my sister that my niece had called my mother to ask my mother to call her mother for her. Apparently my niece wanted to buy some I-Tunes online and she needed a credit card number to do it. She called my mother because she knew that if she called my sister, my sister would not pick up the phone. When my sister called my niece back, my niece told my sister that she didn't want to listen to my sister's music anymore and wanted to order her own music. She just needed a credit card. "Your choices are MasterCard, Visa or American Express, Mom."

She is 7.

6. If you don't use a public restroom, you can avoid all sorts of problems.

For the first time in years, it was only AFTER I was done peeing that I realized there was no toilet paper. In a bar bathroom. Shocking.

7. See Number 4.

When we commenced introductions, Matt's friend Deb began saying, "Lenny, I know you, I know you." Rather excitally.

Apparently Deb is neighbors with Lenny's PIANO TEACHER. And apparently Lenny is a very good piano player. Lenny. Plays. Piano. Almost as good as Liberace.

8. It's the quiet ones that will hit you with the zingers.

Steph's contribution to the Lenny/piano story: "And Lenny calls her 'Grammy.'"

Could you ask for more material?

5 comments:

missbhavens said...

If you asked for better material, and got it, you would be a total material hog!

Wowza!

Fantastagirl said...

LOL...when I stop laughing, oh heck - I can't stop laughing.

Marel Lecone said...

Meet The Puppy party, huh?

That is so rich.

And, I'm not really scared that you kept hearing "beat". haha :)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

puppy party? who the hell has a freaking puppy party?

I need to start going to the bar..

vani said...

i'm with bossy- i need to start going to the bar too..LOL