Saturday, January 14, 2006

Apparently 27 days of rain WILL make people want to kill themselves

We here in Portland, visiting the 'rents. Shock of all shockers, it's raining. Raining in a "we may have to spend the night in a hotel on Saturday night if the river rises anymore" kind of rain.

They have lots to offer here in Portland. Powells and Dungeness crab will keep a girl busy for a while. That's if a squawking bird and a squawking 11-month old aren't tying up all your time.
But the rain is slightly excessive. Maybe we should start building an ark over here.

(As a side note: you know you travel too much when you are able to pack for a 5 day trip in 42 minutes. Lord knows on a good day it takes me an hour to get out of the house to go to the grocery store).

But let's get back to the excitement of the trip. The parrot. Evil little monster that she is. Her name is Clyde. "Her name is Clyde" you find yourself saying? Her name is Clyde because she says "Hi, Clyde" when you walk in the door. And for some reason, the fam started to call her Clyde. But don't let her male name fool you. She is ALL female.

When we walked into the house, she shrieked her displeasure so loudly that the baby BURST into the most pathetic scream you have ever heard. For the next hour, the two of them went back and forth. Derek threated to drown the bird, shoot the bird, strangle the bird. She didn't give a rat's ass.

"SHRIEEEEEK, SHRIEEEEK, SHRIEEEEK."

I called my sister from the bathroom to ask her advice. Big mistake asking a non-animal lover how to create a peaceful co-existence.

"Isn't there a closet they can put the bird in?"

Well E finally won Clyde over. As much as that is possible. When Grandpa was holding E in one arm and Clyde was on Grandpa's shoulder, E desperately tried to become friends. Clyde was having no part of it. I envisioned Clyde pecking E's eyes out at the first opportunity. Let's be honest. Every shirt Grandpa wears at home has a reinforced collar patch that Nana has sewn on to cover up where Clyde ate the shirt. But Clyde just hid behind Grandpa's ear, doing a quick peek every once in a while to see of the little mongrel taking up HER owner's time was still there. But she stopped shrieking. I should have done a video, Missbhavens style, but I'm not that technically saivy.

Thank you, God, because I was this close to opening up the back door and giving Clyde her freedom.

7 comments:

missbhavens said...

Sorry about all the rain, but glad your dear boy didn't get his eyes pecked out!

(aw...come on...posting video is a breeze! You should TOTALLY try it!)

Laura said...

Hmm..I would have been considering having ~Clyde and Dumplings~ or ~Clyde Cordon Bleu~ or ~Fried Clyde~. I'm an animal lover, but so not a bird person.
~L.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

rain like that sucks..

I hate birds, unless they are on my plate....

momma of 2 said...

I would have mistakenly left all the doors/windows/skylights and cage open... I am not a bird person... they freak me out.

Martin said...

If you came over here with the parrot, I would happily take you up to Clyde on the train, where we can drown Clyde in the River Clyde.

Alternatively, I understand there are Clydes nearer you in California, Michigan, New York, North Carolina, Ohio and Texas, not to mention Prince Edward Island, Quebec, Ontario, Alberta, Nunavut in Canada (thank you Wikpedia!). Do any of them have rivers you can drown the bird? If not, why not find one and stamp on the parrot's neck there?

AL said...

Rains is refreshing for a day or two . . . I would go insane there! My Dad has had several birds over the years. Sounds like you are lucky she calmed down and E survived - they can be very possess of their owners. Thankfully (I know it is bad to be happy), my Dad has gotten rid of all of his.

Marel Lecone said...

Clyde is just evil. Sounds like the bitch is playing owner while her pets appease her, huh? Glad that you all survived. :)