I don't see why it has to be so difficult.
It started on Saturday. I was supposed to go to a bridal shower and of course had not wrapped the present until 15 minutes before I was supposed to leave. I stacked the presents high on the bed and wrapped them with ribbon as D and E watched. E lunged forward and his father watched him rip the wrapping off one of the presents.
K: HELLO!!! What are you doing?
D: I thought he wanted to touch it. I didn't think he would rip it.
Fine. I grabbed the boxes and as I lifted them, I noticed a small 1 inch by 1/2 inch piece of wrapping paper under them. Which, of course, I brought to his father's attention.
When I came back, the small piece was gone. I sat down to offer one last meal to the Boo but he started to wail. I spent the next 45 minutes trying to figure out what was wrong with him. He was so upset. It was then that his father started the conversation.
D: Maybe he is upset because he swallowed the wrapping paper.
K: I'm sorry?
D: That piece of wrapping paper is gone. Maybe he ate it and it is making him sick.
K: I noticed it was gone. I just thought that MAYBE you had grabbed it when my hands were FULL.
D: Yeah, no.
With that, the baby started to "eckh, eckh." I opened his mouth and out popped the tiniest piece of pink wrapping paper you have ever seen. One piece down, one thousand to go.
K: Hey, come look at this (pointing to the speck on the bed)
D: I guess he ate it.
K: You let him eat wrapping paper.
D: I didn't think he could reach it.
K: Do you realize how bad this is? That wasn't just your average run-of-the-mill Hallmark wrapping paper. That was Sally Foster wrapping paper.
K: That crap is like Tyvek. In fact, I think it IS Tyvek. I think that Sally Foster buys it with pink high-heeled shoes on it and Home Depot buys it with Tyvek on it. It could be like gum. It could take 7 years for him to digest it. The kid is miserable. I can't believe you let him eat the wrapping paper. And now I am supposed to leave you for 5 hours?
Three hours later, he called me because he thought I had just called him.
D: Your son just learned how to go from the living room to the den.
K: (knowing that there is a step down to the den and realizing that E hasn't quite learned the whole 'step' thing yet) Did he land in the den on his head?
I think this is a plot to keep me home. Must resist....