Things I've Learned at Hayden Lake, Part Cinco

1. Someone will always have a comment about how you constantly hold your child and never put him down. This will normally come from the relative with the least socially adept children. Further, this relative may also introduce her teenage grandchild that will be unable to maintain contact for more than a trillisecond. Your child, however, while been SPOILED ROTTEN, will go to anyone and will talk to the mailman for 10 minutes if you let him.

2. You can regain your sanity if you find the one aunt or one cousin that will take your child for an hour. An hour that will seem like a million years. An hour that will make you feel like time has stopped and that you can actually make it until next Monday without throwing someone off the Point. An hour that will make you feel almost as good as that time you spent the big bucks to get the deep muscle massage AND the facial AND the manicure AND the pedicure at the Regent Beverly Wilshire.

3. If you build it, they will come. Protesting, but they will come. My father-in-law completed the rail that borders the side of the deck. It may block the 270 degree view of the lake by about 1 degree. This will start World War III in the family, but I maintain it will allow the drunks free access from the deck to the illegal patio my father-in-law put in last year. He does these things to make the place more attractive and to drive Uncle insane. Such improvements must be voted upon and discussed for 4 years before commencing. My father-in-law has determined that his 7 second discussion with himself is enough conversation. I hope I have the camcorder when Uncle shows up and sees the latest handywork.

4. Dr. Sears doesn't know squat about teething. The ridge in his gums will disappear before he gets a new tooth, my ass. He will get the bottom two first and then the top two, my ass. The first tooth will be the hardest on you and him but it will get progressively easier (until the molars), my ass. Because the two teeth my child got 3 weeks ago aren't enough, he is now getting a third tooth on the bottom. I have received suggestions for cutting the tooth out, drugging him senseless, waiting it out, and "could you please keep that baby quiet."

My sign says, "will work for valium."